Monday, March 23, 2015

My decision to serve a mission

On February 9, I woke up at 7:00 to get ready to go to my classes just like every other day of the week. This specific morning, however, I woke up with the heaviest feeling in my heart and it was one that I couldn't shake. I was unfocused all morning and couldn't concentrate on anything that was going on around me. In my Book of Mormon class, I finally realized what was going on. I don't remember what the lesson was on (like I said, I was very very unfocused), but I felt the power of the Spirit. And "it was not a harsh voice, neither was it a loud voice; nevertheless, and notwithstanding it being a small voice it did pierce them that did hear to the center.. it did pierce them to the very soul, and did cause their hearts to burn." (3 Nephi 11:3) This was the first time I ever had that powerful of a confirmation from the Spirit and literally felt my heart burn and the piercing of my soul. Right then, the Spirit was telling me that I was to serve a mission.
I texted my roommate and asked her if this was a real feeling or I was confused or what was going on and she challenged me to fast and pray about it. Before I even finished my fast, though, I knew that it was the Spirit talking to me and that it really was time for me to serve a full-time mission. I texted the ward's executive secretary right away and told him that I needed an appointment with the Bishop. I scheduled the interview with him even before I talked to my family about what was going on.
Before I even told my family, my mom called to talk to me (her and my dad had just gotten back from a trip from Mexico) and she started telling me about this sister missionary that they flew home with who was serving in Mexico. She told me she just radiated this light and she was so happy and so fun to talk to. My mom told me that if I ever were to go on a mission, I would be a lot like this girl full of light and truth.
That would have been the perfect time to tell my mom, but I decided to wait even longer until that night when I could surprise my whole family. It was a Monday, so they were gathered together for family home evening and I decided to facetime my dad. My whole family was there and they were just including me in the family night and then I told them that I had something to tell them. It got really quiet and I started tearing up. "I got the strongest feeling that I am supposed to go on a mission, and I start my papers tomorrow." My whole family started cheering and crying and my dad told me that he had actually been having the same impressions that this is what I am supposed to do. The feeling I got talking to them was just another confirmation that this is what I was supposed to be doing at this time in my life. There was no doubt about it.

So, now for the back story. Before the age change happened in 2012, I always said if I was still single at 21 and not doing anything that I would go on a mission. I always wanted to cheer in college as well, so that was my main goal. When President Monson announced that worthy young women could serve at the age of 19 I, like many girls of the church, was certain that I would serve a mission when I turned 19. I had everything planned out- I would go to BYU, make the cheer team and cheer for a year, then leave on my mission after that first year. February of senior year, I found out that I got into BYU (my dream school) and not only was I excited to just be able to attend BYU, but that I was fulfilling my dream and I would be able to try out for the cheer team! I worked hard and April came around and I went down to try out for the team. And, unfortunately I didn't make it.When I didn't make it, I was extremely upset (just ask my mom) but it only lasted for about two days. I realized that there was a reason that I didn't make it...Heavenly Father had something else in mind for me. So, immediately I thought that it was a mission. I didn't make the cheer team because He wanted me to go on a mission. I prayed about it, but every time I did, I felt like it wasn't right for me at that time. This REALLY frustrated me because it is what I had planned after cheering, and since I couldn't cheer, I felt that it must be for the sake of going on a mission. After a couple months I accepted the fact that it wasn't in His plan for me. I attended school and didn't specifically pray about a mission anymore, but I continued to pray for guidance in what He wants me to do next in my life. I felt lost a little bit because my life at that time was completely different than what I had planned for myself. And not only that, but I felt so much pressure to serve a mission here at BYU. I almost felt judged for saying that I wasn't planning on a mission. And I know that there are many girls here that feel that way. Anyways, I was living life day by day and trying to find His path for me. I decided on a major and met some amazing people, two being two of my closest friends ever. And then that's when I received a personal confirmation that now is the time that I am supposed to go on a mission. I don't know why I had to wait until now, but I know it's for a reason and I trust His timing. And He truly has blessed me while I've been waiting. If I had left earlier, I wouldn't have met my many new friends and wouldn't have had these many amazing experiences this year at BYU.

I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for each and every one of us and that He will make it known to you. Faith in Him includes faith in His timing, however. I know that it can be hard, but He knows all and what's best for us. As a lady in my stake told me, the people of Missouri weren't ready for me then, but now they are. I know He loves us and if you pray to Him, He will answer!

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